These are just my opinions, if you don’t feel they work, have no problem with flushing them. Ultimately, it is YOUR vision that is being presented, not mine.
(adapt the beginning blurb to your own voice.)

Story Title:

Author:

My first impressions of your story:
The opening:
The plot:
The theme:
The characters:
The dialogue:
The action:
The background:
Then ending:
The overall story:
Continuity:
The Point of View (POV):
The technical details (spelling, grammar, scientific or historical details), etc.:
What I loved about this work, and why:
What caused me problems, and why:
Final comments:
A link to the story of mine I would like comments on: (if applicable)

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Read the story from start to finish.
Questions to ask yourself after you read the story.

First impressions
Condense the story into one sentence. [IE: This is a horror story about a dog and his boy.]
Did you enjoy the story? Why or why not?

The Plot
Was the plot believable? Did you 'buy in'? Why or why not?
Did the story begin at the right place? If not, where do you think should it start, and why?
Were there any scenes which didn’t relate to the rest of the story?

The theme
What is the theme?

The Opening
Does the opening hook you, and do you want to read more?
Did it set the tone and mood of the story?
Was the conflict clear?
Were the characters and setting established adequately?

The characters
--Use the following questions for each character.
Are the main characters well developed, or did they seem like stereotypes or cardboard cutouts? Why or why not?
Were the minor/background characters three dimensional? Why or why not?
Did the characters behave consistently?
Was the motive/conflict clear?
Did your main character undergo some type of change?

The dialogue
Did the dialogue ring true? Why or why not?
Did the dialogue enhance characterization, reveal new information, and advance the story?
Could you tell who was speaking?
Were there too many dialogue tags or substitutions for “said?”
Did the dialect (if any) work?

The action
Was the fight scene believable? Why or why not?

The background
Did you get a good sense of where/when you were? Why or why not?
Was there too much background? Not enough? Why or why not?

The ending
Was the ending believable and satisfying?
Did the story end at the right place?

The overall story
Were the transitions smooth?
Were there any long passages of exposition that detracted from the rest of the story?
Were there places the sentences could be tightened or needed to be rewritten for clarity?
Is there too much passive voice? Too many adjectives or adverbs? Redundancies? Unnecessary qualifiers like "almost", “seem” or “appear?”

Continuity
Were there any continuity issues?

The Point of View
Was the point of view consistent?
Did the point of view jump from one character to another?
Would another point of view have worked better?
Was there any author intrusion or editorializing?

The technical details (spelling, grammar, scientific or historical details), List spelling/grammar errors.
Were facts accurate and consistent?

What I loved about this work, and why: Tell them what you loved, and why.

What I disliked about this work, and why:
Tell them what you didn't like, and why.

Final comments
Anything you want to say not listed above.